When I was walking by the river, you told me about the little squirrel who had just finished writing fairy tales. She said that Christmas was a girl’s house. She was probably the poorest family in the world. She never lived alone on Christmas day. Unexpectedly, a little squirrel lived in her room and invited her to spend Christmas with her. So the poorest mouse in the world spent a wonderful night. Poverty did not damage Christmas, but they tasted the purest music. You told stories lightly while I was talking. I feel lucky to have the opportunity to listen to your story in my life. To a certain extent, you are actually blessed by the gods. They have given you great innocence and devoted yourself to the ultimate secret of this world. I believe you are one of the few people chosen by the gods to get close to that secret.
Having said that, I must admit that some resentment and anger have been haunting me for a long time after your death. One night, I came back from thousands of miles away. When the plane crossed the Yangtze River, I suddenly wanted to see you, so I went straight to the courtyard where you used to live.
Fortunately, in spring, the fragrance of gardenia is rippling all over the sky, but your room is no longer lit up. Suddenly, I am surrounded by resentment. Your departure has made us all disabled. This disability is not that the limbs are thrown away, but that the soul is cut off by the waist. When you want to drive the complicated things out of the clouds, which pub and which barge can we go to find you?
More than a month before you died, you probably knew that the disease had saved you. You sent me a poem called Nishang poem by mobile phone. It’s probably just a few dozen words. When these clothes are finished, winter will come. When these clothes are finished, I will die. Winter needs beautiful clothes more, and death is to go home in Yuezhong. At that time, I sat on a bus in Beijing and read these dozens of words silently. The bus was so good that I jumped off the bus and pushed the crowd to rush in the street, choking and dying. But what should I do? After so many years of writing poems and daydreaming, you have always been by my side. For many years, I have missed you all over the world. It is not worth living except for you. But your death has caused a terrible scene in front of my eyes. I can’t leave you for a moment. I will be silent, disappear and rot, and I will be able to write a word, but I will try my best to find something to live in front of me.
Seriously, your death scared the shit out of me
Speaking of which, who would believe it? One day is most of the year, and I have been running away from your death. But death is like a sharp blade or an invisibility cloak. hidden weapons follows you wherever he goes, and a sense of frustration is born from your death. Every time he stands near me, he takes a step forward and bumps into it. I can either stand still on the spot or run like a thief. I have thought about it over and over again in my heart.
There is no other way but to call for help from you. I hope you can help me get rid of those marginal degeneration in my dream again, so that I can turn over a new leaf in one minute after I dream, or I wonder if there will still be a note you wrote to me somewhere in this world, just like Zhuge Liang’s sleeve, if I find the barrier in front of me, it will collapse instantly, and I will even be light-hearted and break the dust.
It was in the middle of the night in Zaozhuang, Shandong Province that I was fired by a crew and went to the train alone with simple luggage. At that time, I didn’t ask to take the road, so I didn’t even believe that it was raining. The lights were dim. No, I sat in a dirty bench and waited. It seems that my generation couldn’t wait for the train. Suddenly, I saw you. You were sitting next to me, but it was like I was waiting to go back together. When the train arrived, there was no life or death. At the moment of parting, I dumped all my questions. Just then, when the train entered our side, you answered me one by one. I still remember you said that small animals are beautiful because they are weak. Because they are weak, they don’t add chaos to the world and don’t allow more words to shape them. Either one person or one thing is beautiful.
When the train goes forward, you mentioned that you are writing a fairy tale. A water ghost is looking for a way home. Letter Gu Qingniu was chased by her lover and returned to her sixth ancestor Huineng. He went across the ocean to England without a temple.
The rain and fog are foggy, the train is slow, and you finally recited the poem. That’s when you wrote it at the last moment, a few days before that dress. They wrote like this: You love me, I’m here, you leave me here, don’t cry. When I told a flower, I was a passer-by, and the bird would fly back in spring. Don’t cry, I said to myself.
Today, I have long forgotten whether you were far away from the barrier between life and death at the end of the night, whether it was a dream or a sudden disorder, but I can be sure that at that night, a huge light of the train grew in me, and that piece shook like water, shaking hands with friends and drinking like a static flag floated again, but I still recited my previous speech and recited it. At last, I said to myself that I would live as happily as you, and then I would treat this static magma as if it moved or not, saying that everything was friendship, but I also said to myself that everything was going through this.
All this led to the birth of the train, which was so bright that it was puzzling. Thanks to the chaos in Zaozhuang, we met from time to time, but we had some kind of hope. No matter where we got away, we hoped to be revived. The fact that death has never separated you from me, you have always been here, and you are definitely here. It is great that after that day, you know that I have built my own small religion. In this secret religion, I am of course the one who knows to follow and you are both I am both a disciple and a pope. Since then, my religion will come everywhere I want to go and stay. Just like Buddha’s mouth, Amitabha in Zhongnan has come to comfort and protect me. If you don’t believe me, I will tell you.
For example, at this moment, when the mountain road in Yunnan was raining heavily in the middle of the night, I stumbled into a deep valley by car. Fortunately, it was impossible for people to return to the mountain road after being injured. My companions and I walked forward together in the deep valley in the hope of finding a place to stay. However, a few hours later, our bodies were soaked by the rainstorm, and our hands were stabbed with blood. In our imagination, the place to stay was still missing, avoiding the flash. A group of people huddled behind a boulder and watched the flash again and again, sparking in front of our eyes, and remembered this.
However, the good thing about despair is that you always have to think of a way to be less equal. I can think of it. Instead, I ran forward with one heart and one mind. I immediately ran from behind the boulder, and my companions did not hold me back. On the contrary, I pulled me back into the jungle. No one expected that after walking in the jungle for 20 minutes, we saw a village with lights on. When people shouted and ran to the village, I felt that you came from the village. You should know that it was thanks to you. You have written so many desperate poems. The photo frame in the store is inlaid with bronze knight. He loves crystal girl. Don’t rush across the river. Ants knocked over petals to make a ferry. In winter night, a lamb was about to accept the fact that its mother starved to death. But they didn’t give up. The knight reluctantly left, but the ant refused to turn back and finally ushered in a lantern boat and returned the sad lamb. Finally, he took back a bowl of dumplings before his mother starved to death.
That’s it. If you keep walking towards me, I won’t stop running. How many times have I been told by others that I’m afraid I can’t write a decent novel again? The last time was just before the heavy snow on the banks of the Wusuli River. Of course, I refused to admit that I immediately ran back to the alien forest farm and tried to write a decent novel behind closed doors for more than ten days. But after ten days, I had to accept the fact that I was lying in my room with a high fever. I said that I couldn’t write it because the cold wind roared for half a month in winter, but there was no sign of ceasing. Snow covered everything in the world. I pushed the window and saw the snow everywhere outside, thinking that they were all mine. This could be like a long rope. First, I tied it up, then I dragged me forward step by step, but I was dodging, saying goodbye before I set foot on the danger.
Just as I was lying in a high fever, I suddenly heard your voice. It was that you were reading your own poems. You love me. I am here. You leave me here. Don’t cry. I told a flower that it was a passer-by in a hurry. The bird will fly back in the spring. Don’t cry. I told myself that these sentences woke me up like Shi Huo. I suddenly realized that these sentences were not written by someone. For this long world, they were both whispers when you were born, but also parting words. Many fragments of you were so worried. But at this time, I can’t remember that it was no longer you singing Peking Opera or you desperately holding your umbrella on the ferry, but I didn’t witness it, but it must have happened repeatedly in your career. On a rainy night, you panicked on the balcony and couldn’t afford a good dress. When you were seriously ill, you cried in pain as you walked to the hospital.
That’s it, that is, far away by the Wusuli River, you still show up and show me the way to see the real person in front of me. On this road, you feel that you have given up growth. In fact, you have never been lucky enough to be a little less unfortunate than people. You turned a blind eye, not because of nature, but because you put the rainstorm, poverty and illness into the nature bag. Only when you receive them first and don’t make a fuss can the flowers jump and then a little gray mouse bow down, which may be ignored by both weakness and glory, just like never being born.
At this moment, you know not to regenerate. I sat up again and picked up a pen in the claustrophobic riverside forest farm. Of course, I still mostly wrote decent novels, but I am determined not to make a fuss. Besides, I also intend to turn a blind eye to high fever, strong wind and snow. If I turn a blind eye, you should know that I have never stopped thinking about you.
A mother
Every day is a difficult day. Before dawn, she suddenly woke up with a sharp pain in her chest. At the moment of waking up, she suspected that she was dead. She grabbed her chest hard and gasped in the dark for a long time. Slowly, she heard that the rainy day turned white a little. The rainy day finally brought her back to life. Mulberry trees outside the door were seeded, and the mountains and rivers had flooded. She sold cows and went home in the dark.
The path to the town was dark and slippery. She gasped and broke a bamboo as a crutch, so she didn’t fall down again. It was too late to send the cow back to the buyer’s house. She almost ran. It is not surprising that people in the town can see her running all the way every day. They all know that her son who lives in the clinic all the year round will wake up in a while. She has to make breakfast for him before he wakes up.
It’s been nearly ten years since my son went crazy, and a Chinese medicine doctor was willing to keep him. Of course, it’s not a mental hospital, but it’s better than talking. Even though her son is actually tied up in the clinic all the year round, she feels that she is not sorry. Besides, the Chinese medicine doctor always takes medicine and promises her that her horse will get better every day, so everyone knows that only she doesn’t know that she will send money back, and the Chinese medicine doctor will never stop dispensing medicine for her son.
It’s destined to be another day to fetch water from a bamboo basket. After washing, the waiter will be fed with a bite. After breakfast, the two of them will sit face to face on the eaves. As always, he still failed to recognize her. Speaking of it, the second time he recognized her was as short as three months ago. She said that she was going home. She had to be flustered and promised to lead him out. He didn’t recognize her before he reached the door, but her heart was not dead. Almost every day, if she asked her son to sit face to face, her eyes would become fierce. Even if she suddenly became furious and asked her to roll
Near noon, she left the clinic and went to a small train outside the town to meet a young blind man. The young blind man was not only blind but also had a problem, but he played the erhu well. She didn’t starve to death by playing the erhu. Probably from a year ago, she became a blind companion. Every day, she would take him to the county seat by train for half an hour. From the moment she got on the bus, she pretended to be his mother. Then the train went to the shopping mall and there were many people around the school. On this day, they were always able to get enough money to survive the next day.
Of course, this is fate. This blind man came to this town last year. According to him, he was born here because his eyes were blind and he was thrown away by his parents when he was two years old. Now he is not looking for anyone to get into trouble. He just wants to be his parents again. Besides, he can also play erhu and busk, and he will never take an extra bite of his parents’ rations. Even though this is the end, he knows that his brain is confused and white. Who knows if he is telling the truth?
As far as she is concerned, this young blind is almost her living Buddha. Everyone in the town knows that giving medicine to her children has been sold by her, and the land has also been sold by her. Except for a small vegetable garden, she has nothing left and nothing to sell. When she needs to play the blind mother and take him to the county town for a day, the money can keep herself from starving. Even the money for taking medicine is enough. This is such a good thing. The trouble has come. People continue to find that they are talking nonsense. From now on, they can take him to the county town to beg. But she is almost anxious to watch.
I’m afraid that I should come or not, but today, when she took the young blind to take the train, the trouble came. A couple stopped them in the waiting room with their three sons, and then told them that they were his parents and brothers. Now they are going to take over. It’s a pity that the blind brain is confused at this critical moment, but she smiled and didn’t say a word, but she suddenly turned white and thought and thought again, and finally tried to argue a few words. Unexpectedly, she didn’t finish a word, which made it convenient and even cursed the crazy woman cheated. Shameless, she listened and wanted to talk, but every word was forced back. Just as she almost forgot to say when the train entered the whistle, suddenly her heart seemed to jump and her face turned pale, and there was no way out. She finally said that she had known them for 30 years. I didn’t know that she had just been kicked down by the other side by the bench.
In the end, she walked back from the train with her chest covered, and the young blind man had been wrapped up in the train to the county seat. As she walked back, she avoided pointing fingers from passers-by. Yes, this passer-by said that she was not well, and that her son couldn’t wake up because she was listening to her nose, and she wanted to cry until it was over. After looking around, she decided to go to a small hotel in the south of the town to find a boarding place, where a stranger asked a few words. Otherwise, she couldn’t get through. When the stranger first came to the town, he asked her for directions and always
In a small hotel, she would like to meet a stranger who is writing, and ask him if he is really a cheat. Is it because she was cheated that he can’t wake up? I know that the stranger can’t answer her question. After a long time, the stranger told her that he came here to make up stories for a scenic spot not far away. When these scenic spots were sent only one year ago, he wanted to make up stories for them. However, after a few dollars, he still listened to them.
It turned out that although it was somewhat surprising, the words of strangers made her feel better. She slept more steadily that night than the day before.
At dawn the next day, her chest ached violently again, shouting that she suddenly opened her eyes but could not move in one place. Of course, she couldn’t die like this. She looked around for something that could save her life with a little light, but everything was everywhere. After a while, the rain outside the door saved her again. She seemed to be grasping at straws. Maybe she could recover if she took a sip of water. So suddenly, she got up and staggered, hit the door and ran to the bottom of the eaves. She looked up and gulped down the rain. Thankfully, she finally had enough rain and bent down again.
Before dawn, she came and knelt down with a basket of eggs. Yes, today, she still expects them to give the young blind back to her. Except for this road, she really has no other way to go. People keep hitting her and passing by. She can’t manage so much anyway. Everyone smiles and says hello, but she doesn’t move half a step. I don’t know that this family hasn’t come back from going to town yesterday. I knelt down for a long time. No one has come to scold her and stretched out his hand to take her eggs. Slowly, she couldn’t stay up, curled up and reached for her chest. Just when she wanted to catch her breath, the doctor of traditional Chinese medicine came to find her and said that her son was awake and looking for her.